when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
