you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
then he tried to convert me to islam
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
