I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
