whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
