I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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