did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish I only lived at night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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