The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is it penis luge time yet?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
