drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
