I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
