remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
