Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
