I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
