How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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