Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
