You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
