theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
