apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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