i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
