i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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