I CAN MOONWALK!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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