you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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