I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
