Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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