I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
