I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
