can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
