I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
