she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
