Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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