At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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