I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
