Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't deserve a penis
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
