Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
