I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
