Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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