I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I forget how to act sober
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
