I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
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He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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