Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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