The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
