Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
