If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
