the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
