dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
