WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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