I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
