I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
