if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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