Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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