i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
