My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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