dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
