Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
