she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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