hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
