You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
