the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
