I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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