just tell him i said nine months
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
