I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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