just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
