Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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