I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
