And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
