Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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