He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
