im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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