If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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