So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
