Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Please don't give away my fajitas
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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