$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
