watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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