And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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