I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
