I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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