My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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