I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
