The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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