is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
