Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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