We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
