i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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