So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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