Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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